You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
