Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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