her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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