well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
