you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize