I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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