How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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