My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
