i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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