I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
