Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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