Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
