he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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