wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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