Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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