You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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