did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
