i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
