just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize