you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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