I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
