i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The adults are the big ones right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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