I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
