I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
