Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
