our cab driver is having phone sex.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
