Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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