I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
