ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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