I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
