Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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