I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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