At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
