There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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