Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
