**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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