hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
