Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love having hate sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
