well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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