i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
