So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
