I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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