Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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