My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
