i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
