i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
