I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
