just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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