every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
