You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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