My friends, they love my intelligence
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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