Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
