i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
