I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize