I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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