I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
even my farts smell like vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
