Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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