That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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