I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
