i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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