At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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