highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
