i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to sanitize my soul.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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