God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
