some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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