9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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