Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
